Thursday, November 15, 2012

Is it "Un-Christian" to Question God?

Before this year, I could look back and say that I never really had to face any sort of tragedy or extreme trial in my life. I was blessed to grow up in a Christian home with godly parents, I have 2 sisters that I have always gotten along great with, and my entire school experience all the way through college was void of any major problems or setbacks. I've never had to face an unexpected death in our family, I've never had to navigate through unemployment or a foreclosure. Before this year, I could basically look back over my life and say that my faith had never truly been tested on a major level. Life had always been ... good.

About 6 months ago, however, that pattern came to a crashing halt as I was blindsided with news I never thought I'd hear. Devastating, life-changing news. The specifics of the situation don't matter, but it will suffice to say that I've never felt as much like my heart was literally being ripped from my chest as I did in that moment, and in the days, weeks, and months to come. All of a sudden, the path of my easy-going, seemingly picture-perfect life had veered down into the lowest, darkest valley I had ever entered. For the first time in my life, my faith was truly being tested.

I wanted nothing more than to hand in my test & settle for an "incomplete" grade. I couldn't believe what was taking place in my life, and I quickly began to blame the person I concluded was primarily at fault: God. "How could You let this happen? ... If You are sovereign, how can this possibly be part of Your 'plan' for my life ... Why aren't You solving this problem? Don't You know how many people are praying about this? Can't You see how difficult this is for me? Do You even care?!?" Those are just a few of the accusations and questions I lobbed at Him. Unfortunately, I can tell you that it got to the point where I just stopped praying altogether. I decided that if this was part of God's 'plan' was for my life, I wanted nothing to do with Him or His plan. I wanted Him out of my life forever. (Since this is already a super long post, I will just say that He didn't let me walk away from Him, praise God! He used very dear people in my life to keep me from jumping off of a "spiritual cliff," and for that I am very thankful & do not wish to think about where I would be today if that wasn't the case). However, even once I was back in His Word and seeking His guidance, I still found myself questioning God on occasion. So many "why's" and "how's" and "when's." 

Every time I caught myself in this mode, I immediately felt very guilty. I felt like such a failure of a Christian to allow myself to get to the point of questioning God. I just recently finished reading through the book of Psalms, and time after time the different authors talk about how God is our refuge, He is our Rock, with Him I should never be afraid - you know, all of that Psalm stuff...which was always incredibly applicable & encouraging...but there is one Psalm that stuck out to me the most when I first read it. It was a huge encouragement & it has given me one of the biggest "light-bulb-moments" I've ever had. 

Psalm 13. David wrote this Psalm. 4 of the 6 verses are spent questioning God. That's 66% of an entire "chapter" in the Bible. I know what you might be thinking - "Well, David wrote that while Saul was constantly trying to kill him, so that's different." But you know what hit me after reading this Psalm a few times? The Holy Spirit of God inspired David to write down that he was questioning God. (This wasn't the only time either). Why would God direct David to permanently record himself questioning Him, and multiple times at that? Are you ready for this? Because He knew that we would do the same thing when we faced trials. And it's ok. 

So are we a failure of a Christian when we question God? Is it "Un-Christian" to do so? I say no ... because even though we are born-again believers, we are still human. I think we might be somewhat numb to the "sin-nature" expression, so I will try to put this a different way. Did you know that it is in our very nature to hate God? To resist Him with all of our being? To consider Him our enemy? The first 3 chapters of Romans use the same language! This is the kind of struggle & internal war we have going on as believers! (Romans 7) But here's the key to my whole "light-bulb" moment:

First, I want to be clear & clarify that I'm not "excusing" any sin just because we have a sin nature (I also don't believe David's questioning of God in Psalm 13 was sinful). I'm also not saying that every time something unfortunate happens in my life I should question my all-knowing, all-powerful, sovereign Creator. But what I am saying is this:  I honestly believe that sometimes we have to get to the point in life where we are so distraught - so tired of the struggle, so fed up with all the "noise" of life - that we start questioning God. Why? Because that might be the only time we will actually be at the point where we literally have nowhere else to look but Him - where we are willing to let God show us Himself like we've never let Him before. Sometimes it takes a disastrous storm to wreak havoc in our life for us to finally just be still & know that He is God. 

One thing is for sure: every time we question God, He will respond. Sometimes He might give us a much-needed kick in the pants like He gave Job. But other times He will respond with a peace that surpasses all understanding; a reassurance that He does know what He's doing. That He does hear my cries, He does understand my hurt & my pain, He does have a plan through the wreckage - and it's ultimately for my good & HIS glory. The latter is what David heard at the end of Psalm 13, and it is the same reassuring answer I have been able to cling to as well: 

"But I have trusted in Your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me."


2 comments:

  1. Another Matt Chandler quote is that "God is not the driver of the ambulance who rushes to a scene and does damage control, but He is the highly skilled surgeon that is there to carefully cut out what is harming us."

    Ok that might not be word for word, but the idea is there.

    Anyway - I agree 100% that it is not "un-Christian" to question God. The Psalms are FILLED with it. A lot of times the author (usually David) questions God and then realizes who He is in the midst of struggle and trial. I think we do that ALL THE TIME.

    There is no better place to turn with our questions than God.

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  2. I also was thinking of the situation with Job and how God allowed him to go through those trials so that He could be glorified.

    At the end of life I feel it is most important that we have been good stewards of the time that God gave us here and the people that he allowed us to meet. Did we show them what is really important? The struggle is most definitely worth it.

    Jay

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