Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Surrender

Surrender...why is this so hard? Why does it feel like the same internal discourse takes place every single day - a discourse that basically replicates the apostle Paul's frustration in Romans 7? He begins verse 15 by saying the exact same thing that I say to myself almost every day: "I don't understand my own actions." And he goes on to say that even though he wants to do what is right & he hates when he sins, he still catches himself sinning. I know I'm not alone in this, but it's so frustrating! I understand that there's always a spiritual battle going on inside of us as believers, because Paul says in Ephesians that we wrestle against "spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places." And I also understand that we will never arrive at sinless perfection on this earth, but that doesn't mean that I just give up & sin all I want so that I can win the "He Got the Most Grace" award. So how do I truly "surrender?"

I feel like I need to express, that in no way do I think that anything I write on here is "revolutionary." By no stretch of the imagination do I think that I have discovered, or am introducing anyone who might actually read these posts to any "new ideas" or "new ways of thinking." That's really not even my intent or my hope. In fact, I honestly feel like some of the most helpful things I hear or read come from the most common, well-known truths that I have just "always known" as a Christ-follower. Truths that, for some reason, I thought I could get a fairly decent grip or understanding of & then just move past them in pursuit of "deeper" truths. But this is not the case at all - in fact, these "simple" truths are usually the most important, foundational things that I should be re-visiting & trying to gain a better understanding of on a regular basis.

Which brings me back to "surrender." It could very well be that I am the only one who had this kind of mindset when thinking about this word, but for the longest time I saw it as a one-time decision. As one of those churchy things we do where we "go forward" at the end of a service to "make a decision." Where we make a public declaration that we are "dedicating our life to Christ." Sorry for the abundance of quotation marks, but anyone who has an extensive church background has probably heard these terms a million times. You see, I did that exact thing years ago at a church camp. While sitting in one of the services during a week of youth camp, I was clearly convicted by the Holy Spirit that my life didn't look like it should as a follower of Christ. So during the speaker's invitation at the end, I went forward to "make a decision to surrender my life to Christ."

Time out. Don't get me wrong - I'm not bashing invitations, camp decisions, or "going forward" in church. I believe 100% that when the Spirit of God is convicting us of sin or pointing us in a specific direction, we need to act on it - and maybe even talk with someone else about it to affirm it & to gain prayer support, etc. Was I sincere that night when I made that decision years ago? Absolutely.

But here's the thing - I was subconsciously under the impression that this was all I needed to do to surrender my life to Christ. Now that I have made this decision, I could be sure that my life would look differently in my day to day living...check. But if that's the case, then why hasn't my life looked different every single day? Why are there still days that I fail so hard? Days where I fight so hard against certain biblical commands, or even conviction of my sin? Why can I sing this awesome Sovereign Grace song "Surrender All" in tears & with a true desire to chase after Christ one day... only to catch myself wanting nothing but to run the opposite direction the very next day? Well little did I realize or understand that instead of surrender being a one-time life changing decision, it actually needs to be a never ending succession of every-single-day-for-the-rest-of-my-life-decisions. Jesus tried to point this out in Luke 9:23 - not only to His disciples, but also to the crowds that followed Him around. No matter what my interpretation of "taking up my cross" is, it's kinda hard to argue and debate about what the word "daily" means there.

Our salvation is absolutely a one-time decision. Trusting in the finished work of Christ on the cross immediately provides forgiveness of sin & eternal life that cannot and will never be taken away. And is there a degree of "surrender" involved in salvation? Yes, there has to be in order for me to place my complete trust in someone else for my eternal destiny. But I'm a slow learner - and I'm slowly learning that in order to even have a chance at overcoming the frustrating battle of "doing what I hate" on any given day, I have to give up my attempts to even try at all, and surrender my day to the One who has already overcome my sin. I have to make a conscious determination every day to say "no" to myself - my own sinful thoughts & desires, my feelings of doubt, my attempts to be in control of my life - and fix my eyes on Jesus: the One who gave me my faith to begin with, and the One who promised that His work in my life will not be done until I see Him face to face.

I've come to the conclusion that it's impossible for me to "surrender my life" to Christ. Instead, I have to take it a day at a time. I surrender today to Christ.


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